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Resistance


 

Resistance











She took a sip of her coffee and checked the news on her phone. After a while, she thought she had read enough and closed her phone, turning to the right to look out of the window. The weather looked cold, so she took another big sip of her coffee. She felt warmth spreading inside her. Despite it being morning, the sky was cloudy, and it would probably rain later in the day. She had chosen to stay home and relax today, feeling a bit lazy. She heard the sound of her phone.

"Hello?" "Hello, Selma, are you home?"

"Yes, Mom, what's up?"

"Oh, nothing, I was just curious..." Her voice sounded a bit annoyed.

"What's wrong, Mom? Can you tell me?"

"It's been a week, Selma, how much longer are you going to postpone going to the doctor?" Selma rubbed her temples with her free hand.

"I'm not avoiding it, the doctor doesn't have any available time."

"Don't lie to me, Selma. The doctor has had plenty of time in the past week. Just admit it." "I'm trying to get used to it..."

"I've made an appointment with the doctor for next week. I will take you myself."

"You didn't have to do that..." Her mother interrupted her.

"I had to, Selma... I need to go too. We're going next week, don't forget."

"Okay, see you."

"Goodbye, sweetheart."

Selma hung up the phone and placed it on the kitchen table. She sat down on the armchair in front of the television with her coffee. She put her coffee on the white table in front of her. She turned on the television and started flipping through channels. Her eyes caught the cigarette pack next to the coffee cup. She took a deep breath and focused on finding a movie to watch. When she found a movie she liked, she realized she had been holding her breath. She exhaled. Then proceed to watch the movie. However, she couldn't help but keep glancing at the cigarette pack. She took another sip of her coffee. The taste didn't appeal to her anymore.

She placed the cup on the table, but she could only withdraw herself very slowly. She got up and went to her room to get her computer, intending to watch a movie online. She absentmindedly went back and forth between her room and the living room. She sat down on the couch with her computer and turned it on. What did she want to watch? Did she just want to pass the time or did she want to watch something of quality? Maybe she should start a new series... Her eyes were drawn back to the cigarette pack. Maybe she should light a candle... She picked up a vanilla-scented candle from beside the pack. Yes, she should light a candle. She placed it back on the table. She went to the kitchen to get her lighter. As she sat back on the couch, she moved as if in slow motion. She looked at the flame that emerged when she lit the lighter. For a moment, she felt like she had a thin pen-like object between her fingers, and she raised her hand in the air. When she realized there was nothing in her hand, she took one of the scented candles again. She lit the candle and inhaled the scent. Then, she took the other candle. Her movements were slow and heavy, as if waiting for the right time to do something else. After lighting the candles, she started searching for the movie she wanted to watch on the internet. She tried to find it for a while, but couldn't. Her frustration grew with each passing second. She was getting more and more annoyed that she couldn't even find the movie she wanted to watch. Finally, she decided to turn off the computer and thought some fresh air would do her good. She went out to the balcony. She took the ashtray with her without realizing it. When she sat down at the table on the balcony, she placed the ashtray on the table. But why had she done that? She hadn't gone out to smoke... She took a deep breath in and out. Her mood had soured. Her mother scolding her, not being able to find the movie she wanted, feeling bored at home... Should she go out? But she didn't want to... She leaned forward on the table and rubbed her temples. Maybe she should make a dessert? The idea came to her mind, and she got up and went to the kitchen. She opened her recipe book and looked at the dessert recipes. When she saw a dessert she liked, she started taking out the necessary ingredients. After a while, she realized that the most important ingredient, flour, was missing. How could she not have flour? She sighed in frustration and put the recipe book back in its place. She leaned on the countertop, pressing her trembling hands against it, trying to calm them down. Her body was tense. She couldn't think straight. She stood like that for a few seconds. She couldn't remember what her problem was until she lifted her head. When she did, the first thing she saw was the cigarette pack on the table. She had completely forgotten her original intention. What was she going to do? Her body was struggling to reach a conclusion. In the end, she remembered that she wanted to choose a movie. She freed herself from leaning on the counter and remembered that she wanted to watch another movie. She took her computer and opened the movie she wanted. She was moving quickly due to impatience. She wouldn't let her focus be distracted this time. She took a blanket from the edge of the couch and started the movie. At first, she felt uneasy, but then she relaxed and focused solely on the movie. When she woke up, it had gotten a little darker outside. She placed her computer on the table and looked around. She couldn't remember what she had done before falling asleep. She had become too warm. She rubbed her eyes with one hand. Some fresh air would be good for her. She went to the table on the balcony. She hadn't realized it, but she had also taken the cigarette pack and the lighter with her. She placed the pack and the lighter on the table and, in a half-asleep state, looked at the view while taking out a cigarette from the pack. Her feeling of familiarity made her snap out of it. What was she doing? She needed to retract her hand. It took a bit of time, but she put it back into the pack. She looked around. She needed to throw them away. She took a deep breath and looked at the pack. Yes, she was going to throw it away. She picked up the pack and hesitantly walked to the kitchen. She stepped on the pedal to open the trash can. When the lid opened, she reached out with her hand, but she couldn't throw it away. She stood next to the trash can for a few minutes. But her body wouldn't let her throw it away. She withdrew her foot and closed the lid of the trash can. She threw the pack onto the kitchen table. She felt like she was going to faint. She sat down on one of the chairs. Her hands trembled as she rubbed her temples. The desire to fill that emptiness inside her grew with each passing second. She took deep breaths. With a sudden decision and hunger, she reached for the pack again.



 

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